The Scars

Edited in Nokia Glam MeRemember as a kid, how you would compare scars with your friends. Pointing out each scratch and dent, telling the story of how they came to be. As we get older we collect more scars and the type of scars change. In our younger years we collect the scrapes and bruises of physical damage, while as we age we recognize scars in a more mental and emotional way. 

Pointing out how this scar came from a bicycle accident and this one was from being bitten by a stray cat and this one here where my finger was caught in the door. Now I stand next to you pointing out the scars from heartache, stress, abuse(self inflicted and other), the scars from failed relationships both romantic and friendships, the scars from my fears, from broken promises(both from myself and from others), scars from falling down (in a non physical way)  and the scrapes and bruises endured while picking yourself back up. 

This one came from not believing in myself, this one came from giving too much to someone not willing to give back, this one came from rejection, here’s another that came from being afraid, this one is for trusting the wrong person, this one from what I allowed to go on and this one is from love lost. The scars seem to keep adding up, but take a look at how over time, most have healed and others are beginning to heal. The fresh ones you see, they will heal as well and I know that time will be the bandage. Open wounds hurt and that doesn’t change, but knowing that over time the wounds will close and healing will take place is what holds me together for the moment. 

Many Blessings, 
Raventalker

Talking Crow

crowtalker I just had to share this “only in Raventalker’s World” story that happened this morning. 

I always get to work an hour or more before I should be here. I like to use that quiet time to get my day organized and to just enjoy a little quiet, me time. So after I get my day ready I decide to step outside to search for some clovers and meditate before everyone starts coming in. 

I’m looking in a patch of clovers when a crow lands on the lamp pole on the street next to me. He begins calling in other crows with the short, quick calls. I begin mocking his calls. He calls 3 times, I call 3 times, he calls 4, I call 4, etc. Suddenly another crow lands on the lamp pole just up from us on the street. Now I have 2 of them and I’m mocking both crows. Another crow comes in and lands on the lap pole in the parking lot and now there are 4 of us :-)

Here’s the layout: 
crowtalking

All of us are calling back and fourth and I giggle to myself about whats going on. I keep searching through the clovers, and calling at the same time. The crow from the parking lot lamp pole wants a better view at what I’m doing so he flies over to the building behind me. The sun is coming up from the other side of the building so I can see the building’s shadow in front of me. I can see where the crow is and as I continue searching for clovers and mocking their calls, the crow on the building steps around to the other side of me so he can see what I’m doing. Suddenly the crow on the building makes the little growling sound crows make to symbolize affection. 

We call a few more times back and fourth and then they all leave.

I felt for a moment like Snow White in the forest talking to the animals. It was a precious moment, connecting with my crow cousins. A moment that in the middle of these hard times, I was able to smile and feel good inside. I didn’t feel so alone and  felt connected, a part of something more than just my own being. 

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Many Blessings, 
Raventalker

Wake Up Call 101

WP_20140518_012-4Awakening thought of the day: If you see me crying, don’t think it is because I am weak… these tears come from having to be strong for so long, hoping that one day I wouldn’t “need” to be …. but in realty, life tells me I need to be stronger. Wake Up Call 101 – thanks life … you suck!

Before long I’ll be moving mountains with all this strength I’m building. As I type these words , a tiny little smirk forms across my face and although life at the moment is less than fun, I have hope that my statement is true. I think to myself, yes, I’ll move mountains! I’ll make my life what I want it to be and I’ll stop trying to make everyone else happy at my own expense.

I know what I would tell myself in the situation. I need to take my own advice.

Take this pain and the lessons and move forward, don’t look back. Use these obstacles to your advantage. Don’t let the pain keep you from moving forward. Pain is temporary. YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS IN ALL WAYS!

When life sucks… make it better. After all I am a magical person… my kisses, as I have always said, are magical… so here I am blowing myself a kiss, making it better one day at a time.

I have the power to change my world.

I have the tools within me to succeed.

I will do this!

Might need a nap first… being strong is tiring .. no .. no nap… move forward. You can nap later… your life needs your immediate attention now.

Many Blessings,
Raventalker

What it’s like in the storm

Edited in Nokia Glam MeSearching for words to say … and I can’t find anything. It’s like … a run down house in the middle of no where that has been long abandoned … no one is there and hasn’t been for a very long time. The weeds have taken over and decay has set in… seen to the world as an eyesore… just left to rot.

Needing some major weeding to be done and some tlc. It’s been a really long time since I have felt like me, wondering if I’ve ever been me. Feeling very lost, alone and afraid of the unknown. Angered at my fragility. Hating that I fall to pieces at the drop of a hat. I shake from the inside out, through the day and I don’t know how to make it stop. Trying to keep my mind occupied on other things but suddenly overcome by reality and I fall to pieces once again. Questioning my existence and why I chose this life. What is all this pain for? Where is the bright side that everyone says is there? Trying my best to keep my eye on the horizon, hoping to see the light that always shows up just after the storm. Giving myself a pep talk every few minutes. I can do this, I am stronger than I feel, I will make it beyond this point, I will get through this storm. 

I write this not for sympathy or any of the like, but to help myself heal, saying out loud what is going on inside, for so long I have kept my feelings bottled up, placing my focus on the happiness and well being of others. It’s my turn now and there is a lifetime of healing that needs to be done. 

Many Blessings, 
Raventalker

War Paint – The Painted Face

warpaintWhen we speak about war paint, I’m sure most imagine the painted face of a Native American. Well, natives aren’t the only ones who wear war paint. In fact, I painted my face this morning. It may not look to you like war paint, but let me tell you why it is. Just as war paint, in a variety of cultures began with the intention to distract/frighten ones opponents in battle, to connect the person behind the mask to their warrior spirit and to protect the warrior, women have long used their own form of war paint to do the same. 

Even without knowing why we make up our faces, when we do, we feel different. Ready to face the world, ready to do battle. The makeup we use helps to disguise many things. It can help hide our insecurities, fears and vulnerability. When we get up in the mornings and dress to step out into the world, we prepare for the battles that may come our way. You’ll notice many, while at home don’t bother with makeup and fancy clothes, because that’s where we feel the most safe, but once we think about stepping outside into the world, our thoughts go to an instinctive behavior to protect ourselves the best way we can. Our choice in clothing, shoes, accessories and makeup are all a part of the ritual for protecting ourselves.  So this morning, I put on my war paint. What it hides is a multitude of things. Fear of what’s to come, worry of how I’ll make it through the storm ahead of me, sadness that consumes my thoughts, stress, insecurities and much more. I stand here filled with all of those things, but my war paint is applied to help me face the day and what battles are placed before me with my warrior spirit. 

Many Blessings, 
Raventalker

Cummins Falls

This morning I got up at 4 am so that I could drive 80 miles to Cookeville to then climb down to see Cummins Falls as the sun was coming up … it was a looooooooooong way to that waterfall but it was well worth the trek! My day started out driving while it was still dark and then the joys of watching the sun come up and paint the sky in beautiful colors. I went straight from beautiful painted sky to nothing but fog and then finally just as I came out of the fog bank I arrived at my destination. Hmmmmmm… the gate is closed. Check website for hours.. crap, I’m an hour early. Well, now I have time to get my backpack ready. I’m on the phone with my bestie laughing about me driving out so far and the park being closed when I guy clad in flannel steps out of the woods… I was like.. stay on the phone with me… LOL. He walked right past me and opened the gate! Thanks! And I was on my way. The sign said <– that way to Overlook and –> that way to downriver shortcut…. I’d hate to see what the long way looked like. After hiking down the side of the mountain I ended up in a very wide creek bed. Started hiking toward the waterfall and had to cross over the creek several times … and I kept walking .. and walking … wondering where the heck is this waterfall!!!

Finally I rounded a bend in the creek and it was heavenly!! So majestic and beautiful!

We won’t even think about talking about the hike back up!

Have a look!

Many Blessings,
Raventalker

Stripping it all away!

This is a vision I had a couple of years ago and thought now to be a good time to re-share with you my experience…

The Milk Ceremony ~ 

I was laid out in circle completely naked as the clan mothers cleansed me with milk. They carefully poured milk all over my body taking care not to miss any part of me. Once this was done pieces of leather were laid over my more private areas and a medicine man then came into the circle. He carried with him a large shell of smoke to once again cleanse and bless me and the area before he began his medicine.

What happened next was something I would have never imagined.  It was as if I had many layers of myself on me…. Like layers of clothing it was as if I had layers of flesh that had built up over the years. The medicine man stood at my feet and with gestures he pulled off each layer one by one. With each layer he pulled off and threw behind him, I became brighter and more clean looking.  It was just like when one lightens their teeth and with each application they become a tad bit whiter. Behind him as he threw off each layer, there were helpers that would quickly pour special water mixed with milk and herbs onto the ground where his gestures seemed to have thrown the layers. Also there was a bundle of herbs smoking just on the far side of the area that yet another helper would continuously fan so that the smoke filled the entire area behind the medicine man.

These layers of me were… well….. they were ideas, behaviors, thoughts, actions and habits that I had formed over years of living. Things that had attached to me through all my daysin this life. I was being stripped away of everything. Stripped down to the bone but the medicine man went far beyond flesh and bone …  he went all the way down to the core of me.

feather It took quite a long while to strip away all my layers .. seems as though I must have collected quite a lot in this  life thus far.  When he was finally done stripping away my layers, I saw something amazing and unexpected. I was made up entirely of light. Laying there still, glowing oh so brightly.. and to my amazement I could see certain parts of me a bit brighter than the rest. We read about and are taught that our bodies have these Chakra points… the points in your body that hold the most energy…. Seeing myself in this way….. confirmed that to be true.

It was as if I had the whole of the universe inside me… made up of every constellation imaginable. Some say were are born of the stars .. after seeing this I would certainly believe that to be a truth. Once I was stripped down to this level the medicine man and his helpers along with the clan mothers, sat down and formed a circle around me…. They sat there for a very long time chanting in a meditative prayer. They did this until the sun came back up.

I was then shaded by some structure that they built and left there in a meditative state until the sun had gone back down. As I began to grow back a new layer of flesh and bone… I was given a token or gift from each person in the circle… they placed these gifts inside me. It will be up to me to find these gifts and use them when the time is right. The medicine man’s gift was a large crystal.. it was squared in shape .. not pointed and not entirely clear.. it was a milky color and a bit off white.

This ceremony leaves me in quite a state of reflection. I can certainly see the point of it and feel quite blessed to have been part of such a sacred and healing act. In fact beyond the words describing the ceremony I feel quite speechless.. not knowing exactly what to say… yeah I bet you never imagines that either!! hahahaha.

On that note I will leave you with this one last thought… maybe we should all take a bit of time to look at ourselves and the many layers we have collected over our lifetimes… and do ourselves  the favor of shedding those layers that bring us negativity, pain or those thoughts and behaviors that simply hold us back in life.

Many Blessings,
Raventalker